I really shouldn't lie to myself, now should I?

And please, no pity thinking. This is only to lift my heart and what I think about. I dont usualy talk about my problems, but I know I'm at fault with things that may have happened. I know I have my faults, and I am trying to do whatever I can in my might to actually
push those faults away, or well, bury them.
For I cannot change it all, even if I wished for. It get's back.
And we all know how angered we get on oneself when we try not to
say something which we KNOW will bring up something which
should stay in the past.

So, I apologize. To all of you for putting you through hard times.
No need for emophiling me, I've shed my tears and had my arguments with myself. I already know whatever may be spoken to me.
I have my regrets.

But either way, I'm really putting it all behind me and trying to focus on what's going on now. Like my job, personal life and to
finaly accept a part of me and try to let it go.
Even if it may not seem like I am trying, I am. True to my words, I am, even if my results in the end.
But no, I wish no pity or for people to think drama whore or attention seeker. This is not the right place to.. "lift one's thoughts". No hard feelings DA, but it's true.

I am sincere sorry for each time I bring things up and fuck things up for people. I have my part in messing up, as well as others.
I am not going into details of what it's about or who it's about.
Frankly, it's my own bloody consorn, but I will speak
with whoever wish for it on msn or by notes. That way, it's private.
But there is no need to. I'd rather wish to forget and move on.
Even if some things need to be spoken about for the good of everyone.

Yes, yes, I know this sounds ego, but it's not ment to be that way.
It's a way for me to actually show I care, even if we all know how things may not turn out the way we wished for it to be.

Yeah, well, regrets is a part of life. We learn from them, and however we may try to NOT bring things up, it happens.
Have it ever happened you? Anything can happen and bring up
whatever we wish to keep inside us. And I am not talking sexualy. DX

I am ashamed of the way I have acted. I feel remorse for it.
Whatever the cause may be or the outcome shall be, I regret those words I said and those actions I poured out. It's somehow a way to say I do not feel good about myself and never felt like I
really did good enough. If my jealously ment anything,
it's a way to actually say: "I am not good enough or I feel like I failed." It's it. There, I said it. My jealousity, whoever it may be towards, it's a sign of me being unsure on myself.
I hide the real reason, and yes, at times it might seem like I'm jealous of someone loving that person or so, but no, it's NOT, that.
It is me not feeling good enough, no MATTER how I am told I am
good enough. Believing and feeling is two different things.


Might I sound like an ass, may I sound like I do not care, whatever.
I know with myself, that I am not the one to stick my tail between my legs for too long. I am ready to stand up and work on my wrong doings. It's not just people that I affected who's sick of it,
believe how I feel when I KNOW how it makes others feel and I still CANNOT bring myself to keep some things inside.

And no, please dont think I am trying to hurt someone with this. Please just see it as a way to know I am apologizing and ACCEPTING
that I have done wrong and of my regrets. I wish to fix 'em.

And fix 'em I'll do.

OTHER THEN THAT. o_______o
I really have had some good moments with my dear. And I am honest with that. No matter what happenes, it does help me ease down.
And of course, it can only get brighter..

Now, to go drink myself piss drunk and forget how to pee! XD
( Joke, seriously. Just needed to LIFT the mood a bit. )

But seriously, thanks you all. I really do mean it.